Hope: along the road

     I don't know how I fell into you but I did- I trust in that.  I don't know what is to come but I know what is- I feel vulnerable and open- I will let this be.  And I don't know if that will be enough for you but I hope it is. 

 

Gratitude

 Today I realized- although I am for the most part always aware- but today in particular I realized what a blessed life I live.  Awkwardly enough it was one of my more downside days.  Nothing bad happened in particular nor good.  It was simply a day where I was sitting in thoughts/feelings of angst.  I have experienced a various of spectrums in my time alive thus which is why today was odd to me.  Well I gathered myself just in time to get to my night class and run an errand rushingly beforehand though I did have all day.  And get ready for a commitment I had at a friends function "LaViolette @ The Standard Hollywood"  to dance...this any other a day brings me a sizable amount of joy.  That and I've had the past going on 4 days off in a row(I had to call out of a meeting I had today because my throat was aching in the morning.) so I really drug myself out.

I am grateful for many a things and today in particular well I had these obligations to get me off my butt and out of my pool of stillness in angst- I mean contemplation of nothing.  After class in which we watched a phenomenal piece called "The Bigger Picture"  on society and circumstances that create atmospheres where atrocious behavior becomes doable ie the Holocaust/Slavery/etc.  Asch and Milgram experiments/ Zimbardo as well.  so I squeeze in the time to see a friend who's been going through a great deal and I don't know where my line comes to do something...a long story but it actually ties in with what I was studying in class.  Everything is connected.

I come home sit down before my shower and I know this is even to me a dreary account of my day; however, it was just that.  I sit down and read my past blogs and realize how blessed I am to even be able to write a blog/ponder and contemplate my spirituality.  To feel at all whether it be joy/sadness/happiness/depression/love/heartache.  People in so many parts of the world and even I at one point are just surviving and some people aren't even able to survive what they undergo.  People pass from this life every second from natural causes and many very unnatural(murder, rape, suicide...)  

I am grateful for my angst, my achy throat, my deep thoughts that seem to keep me enthralled.  I also prayed to my Grandma Veronica today for awhile which I don't always do(she passed a few years back) and in my less than joyous state I have found this silver lining.  It still is what it is.  Its not joy.  but thats okay.  and I'm sitting with it.  

I do wish I could be of service to the world more.  Do many profound things.  Make a difference.  In the Earth, the Universe, Mankind.  I know I have big ideals- I embrace that now(no more closet ideals).  I pray they may one day see fruition.  Maybe that time will come.  Maybe it won't.  Each day I can only pray that I may be of service and I pray that I may see that guiding light to show the path to walk.  For now I will embrace this lost feeling as well.

And I am grateful for all of it- every last piece- every last bit.

Horseback Riding

  Today I had one of the best rides to date on 63(the horse). We rode for three hours up to one of the most beautiful locations ever.  We were in the looking over Santa Monica, Downtown La, Glendale, Hollywood, with the Hollywood sign to the right.  We came up through Griffith Park Horse Trails but there are some hiking trails where a lot of people hike up to that point as well.  

  It felt so good.  We say good morning to all the fellow horseback riders, hikers, and bikers alike.  We were the only ones coming up horseback to that point though.  Me, my dad, and his friend, Martin- all in cowboy(and my cowgirl) hats on/riding attire.  Were quite the sight to city hikers from those parts, that and Martin also was walking a baby horse of 21 months, who was quite the cutie pie, Hawk.

  There is something majestic about horses- noble, grandeur.  Every time they look into my eyes I fell as if they can see my soul, my essence and weigh if its good.  

  I've been itching to move to Colorado as of late- to be more one with nature.  Rides like this though....really make me appreciate Los Angeles more.