Blessings and Time

There is a blessing in every second of time.  Even in my tears and sadness- I have the ability to experience it- the blessing to.  As hard as it can be to let it flow- some of my best poetry arises from it.  Maybe my simple purpose it to share it, that others may know that another has felt this panging of emotions. Well either way I feel the inkling to share it with the world one day soon.  When this semester is over I will begin to compile my poetry from over the years since I've begun writing and once I am done self publish it. 

Spanning over 11 years of my life- I began when I was 13 years old.  Even I am interested to see my own evolution.  Although people may say what they will of any of my works good or bad- it is from where I was at for that time and it aided me in getting through it: whether it was love, depression, heartbreak, anger, resentment, gratitude, friendship, whatever- it is me.  And I've kept each one for the most part and have always dated it.  I look forward to the process of compiling it.

My living situation is soo thankfully balancing out and with it so is my head, my heart, and life.  It's been a very peaceful past couple of days- in one not having any money to go anywhere- not even gas money- but very gratefully I do have the days off which takes away the need for me to borrow money for gas and my bills are paid.  "First Things First"  and I've been able to be here at home and meditate, get my room and home together, finally take out all of my belongings from storage, throw away trash, and donate a box of things to charity.  And be here for my family when they need me and to simply enjoy them as they wonderfully are.  Simply laying on one another's beds and sharing our hearts with one another.  It's so peaceful and natural it's odd, yet it nourishes my soul and being in so many ways.  

I don't know what the future holds for many things...there are some things which I did, but those outcomes can change at any given moment.  I suppose all that matters is I continue on.."one foot in front of the other"  and follow my intuition...which is silent most of the time.  Nature, how I dream of escaping to you.

Dimensions

I feel the new skin that I am in and the continuous cellular regeneration- it feels reeeeaaally good.  Very new, very lovely.  Quite a many happenings have occurred in my waking life this week and I must say that- years ago events as such were taken on by me very intensely and processing them...well wasn't my cup of tea then.  

Well life has taught me many things and I've learned many valuable lessons in it.  I can whole heartedly say that EVERYTHING, every single event, trial, tribulation, happiness, sadness, joy, fear, smile, tear, frown, hardship, sorrow, love, and loss, etc., that I've experienced and felt in all of my lives- has brought me to this point.  NIRVANA...peace within and without....balance.  I wish I could describe it.  It cannot be explained- it's more than a feeling.  It's my new and ever evolving state of now being.  Your will for me Lord and the Power to carry it out...I must say is the most miraculous, phenomenal self-fulfilling prayer, I could ever pray.

I KNOW the miracles of each moment and blessings each second carries.  Every molecule, every ingredient to LIFE is sacred.  I seem to go on and on because I attempt to envelope this unevelopeable everything.  This moment, this NOW is ALL time and so SACRED and beautiful I am beside myself- in one being tired and awe.  

Thank You 

BALANCE

Tonight is one of the first nights and days in a long where I have really done A LOT for me.  My mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual self.  On any given day I will usually address at least one of these facets to myself.  Today and here forth I am doing my best to make a conscious effort to do this every waking day.  I must say it feels really good.  

I am able to see where I begin and end- to take care of my personal bubble in this universe.  There are parts of my bubble that could use some repairs, dusting, and shining...but there are also parts that shine and help me to trust.  Willingness has been my key to happiness doors lately and I've been taking what works keeping that and letting go of the things that don't anymore.  

Warm and fuzzies do come when I am an instrument in being of service to the world, while nourishing my soul simultaneously. 

What it all boils down to is...BALANCE:D

May you know of the peace that comes with this too.

Vaya Con Dios,

Racquel

Seeds

Delving into the deepest parts of myself....to open open up, to see, to feel. Take a look at the rawness of the substance- unrefined. Cleaving at my core like a piece of wood.

Is an uncut diamond more beautiful than a cut diamond? I believe it to be so. Doing the things I don't want to do- to be able to be more and do more of what I do. A smoother road to speak of more than walk upon.

It is these circles in time which dive into the best ones, when all I wish to do is dream the day away and wake up to a rainbow with a symphony. Happiness and flying with the birds is in my hands- I know my dreams know their own fruition, which is why I dream along just the same- just the same. Each seed knows a nectar more and more sweet.

For now the dirt of the Earth is beautiful just the same. The water of the dreams. My heart is the hole waiting for it to take root.

Hope: along the road

     I don't know how I fell into you but I did- I trust in that.  I don't know what is to come but I know what is- I feel vulnerable and open- I will let this be.  And I don't know if that will be enough for you but I hope it is. 

 

Gratitude

 Today I realized- although I am for the most part always aware- but today in particular I realized what a blessed life I live.  Awkwardly enough it was one of my more downside days.  Nothing bad happened in particular nor good.  It was simply a day where I was sitting in thoughts/feelings of angst.  I have experienced a various of spectrums in my time alive thus which is why today was odd to me.  Well I gathered myself just in time to get to my night class and run an errand rushingly beforehand though I did have all day.  And get ready for a commitment I had at a friends function "LaViolette @ The Standard Hollywood"  to dance...this any other a day brings me a sizable amount of joy.  That and I've had the past going on 4 days off in a row(I had to call out of a meeting I had today because my throat was aching in the morning.) so I really drug myself out.

I am grateful for many a things and today in particular well I had these obligations to get me off my butt and out of my pool of stillness in angst- I mean contemplation of nothing.  After class in which we watched a phenomenal piece called "The Bigger Picture"  on society and circumstances that create atmospheres where atrocious behavior becomes doable ie the Holocaust/Slavery/etc.  Asch and Milgram experiments/ Zimbardo as well.  so I squeeze in the time to see a friend who's been going through a great deal and I don't know where my line comes to do something...a long story but it actually ties in with what I was studying in class.  Everything is connected.

I come home sit down before my shower and I know this is even to me a dreary account of my day; however, it was just that.  I sit down and read my past blogs and realize how blessed I am to even be able to write a blog/ponder and contemplate my spirituality.  To feel at all whether it be joy/sadness/happiness/depression/love/heartache.  People in so many parts of the world and even I at one point are just surviving and some people aren't even able to survive what they undergo.  People pass from this life every second from natural causes and many very unnatural(murder, rape, suicide...)  

I am grateful for my angst, my achy throat, my deep thoughts that seem to keep me enthralled.  I also prayed to my Grandma Veronica today for awhile which I don't always do(she passed a few years back) and in my less than joyous state I have found this silver lining.  It still is what it is.  Its not joy.  but thats okay.  and I'm sitting with it.  

I do wish I could be of service to the world more.  Do many profound things.  Make a difference.  In the Earth, the Universe, Mankind.  I know I have big ideals- I embrace that now(no more closet ideals).  I pray they may one day see fruition.  Maybe that time will come.  Maybe it won't.  Each day I can only pray that I may be of service and I pray that I may see that guiding light to show the path to walk.  For now I will embrace this lost feeling as well.

And I am grateful for all of it- every last piece- every last bit.

Horseback Riding

  Today I had one of the best rides to date on 63(the horse). We rode for three hours up to one of the most beautiful locations ever.  We were in the looking over Santa Monica, Downtown La, Glendale, Hollywood, with the Hollywood sign to the right.  We came up through Griffith Park Horse Trails but there are some hiking trails where a lot of people hike up to that point as well.  

  It felt so good.  We say good morning to all the fellow horseback riders, hikers, and bikers alike.  We were the only ones coming up horseback to that point though.  Me, my dad, and his friend, Martin- all in cowboy(and my cowgirl) hats on/riding attire.  Were quite the sight to city hikers from those parts, that and Martin also was walking a baby horse of 21 months, who was quite the cutie pie, Hawk.

  There is something majestic about horses- noble, grandeur.  Every time they look into my eyes I fell as if they can see my soul, my essence and weigh if its good.  

  I've been itching to move to Colorado as of late- to be more one with nature.  Rides like this though....really make me appreciate Los Angeles more.